


sometimes you just need to be alone

by InvadingThoughts



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Zombies, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Blood, Character Death, Gen, M/M, Please Don't Hate Me, Screaming, Suicide mention, Super Angst, Unhappy Ending, Zombie Bites, death mention, this is a lot of death and sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-09
Updated: 2015-10-09
Packaged: 2018-04-25 15:13:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4965829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InvadingThoughts/pseuds/InvadingThoughts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The screams from outside were so loud that he couldn’t successfully block them out of his head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	sometimes you just need to be alone

**Author's Note:**

> I went for level 10 on the angst and pain scale, and i think i succeeded (please tell me if i did). This is a zombie apocalypse au and I warn you not to go in expecting a happy ending. Otherwise, hope you enjoy!

The screams from outside were  _so_ loud that he couldn’t successfully block them out of his head.

Instead they just bounced around his skull, like someone had played a never ending loop of his most hated song and Daithi had no way of turning it off. Every time it seemed like the screams were going to stop, when they quieted down and trailed off… they didn’t.  Every time- without fail- they started up again, louder than ever and he couldn’t stop himself from flinching each time.

Nogla knew the guys could see him do it.

The selfish side of him- the side of him that was slowly becoming more prominent in his life lately- was glad that he was safe. That it wasn’t him out there being attacked or being eaten alive. That he was currently surrounded by the people he loved, with food and clean water and the warmth of their makeshift campfire. Tyler kept telling him that he’s  _allowed_ to be selfish now, it’s either that or end up dead.

Or more correctly… undead.

“My legs are cramping,  _fuck_ ,” Marcel complained as he slowly stood up and stretched his arms above his head, “I’m sick of just sitting here, I’m gonna look around and stretch my legs,”

Nogla watched him walk away and a wave of anxiety washed over him. He was tempted to call Basically back to demand he stay by the fire, but he knew it wouldn’t work since it never did. They were camped out in an empty supermarket, huddled close by the emergency escape doors in case they needed to make a quick exit and their crappy little fire had no hope of illuminating the whole store. That left Daithi scared of what could possibly be hiding in the shadows.

Of course they  _had_ checked to make sure it was safe, Tyler had even swept through the store a second time just by himself to be thorough and yet Nogla was still hesitant. He didn’t want any of his friends to die, never again if he could help it.

“Don’t you guys think we should help them?” he mumbled into the quiet air. His eyes never strayed away from Marcel’s form and he was ready to spring into action- if needed- at a seconds notice.

“Help who?” Mini asked, he was laying down with his head in Wildcat’s lap and Nogla had thought he was asleep.

“The people who are screaming…” he whispered back, squeezing his eye shut tightly.

He didn’t want to see their faces, since he knew how they’d react. Tyler would tell him that their lives were more important than a strangers. Delirious would just stare at him with sad eyes because Nogla knew he would want to help them too. Vanoss would just shake his head, as if they’d been over this too many times to count.

They probably had.

“Daithi… there’s nobody screaming…” Evan replied, his voice was quiet and low as if he were talking to a child. It irritated Nogla so much that his group saw him as someone so fragile, as if he need to be protected.

“Yes there is!” he argued and he turned his head to look at Delirious with a begging look, “you can hear it right? Tell me you hear them too Delirious,  _please_ ,”

Jonathan shook his head no and instead he slowly crawled closer towards Daithi, “We’re alone Nogla, you’re all alone. But that’s okay cause we’re here for you, we’ll keep you safe,” he soothed, but when Daithi looked down he could clearly see the bite mark on Jon’s arm.

Another wave of anxiety crashed over him but this time it was harder to breath through it. He hated this so much, it happened every time he looked at Jon and the constant reminder was heart breaking.

“This isn’t healthy Nogla,” Tyler began and instantly Daithi felt himself tense up. Wildcat was his voice of reason, the person who he trusted so much to be able to guide him through this shitty situation but he hated it whenever Tyler brought up this subject. He knew how bad it was but he justified his actions with what Tyler used to tell him, that it was  _okay_ to be selfish.

How else was he going to get through the days if he  _couldn’t_ be selfish.

“Shut up! I’ve told you before I don’t want to hear it, so just stop!” he yelled back and the peaceful atmosphere of the room shattered. Marcel had left his field of view and Nogla knew what would happen next.

He had been through it enough times by now, it never changed.

“Leave him alone Tyler, he needs us. You know he wouldn’t be able to cope if we left, if he was all  alone…” Jon argued back, defending Daithi from Wildcat’s hard stare.

“That’s the thing Jon! He is fucking alone! We’ve already left and he knows that, or else I wouldn’t be constantly reminding him. I’m the last part of his sanity begging him to let us go, to move on but it wont happen if you all keep coddling him,” Tyler replied, letting his gaze move around the room.

“I can’t leave him,” Lui interrupted and Nogla flinched at the sound of his voice. He was the hardest of them all to hear speak lately, his words cut too deep and it was only getting worse over time, “this is my way of saying sorry, Tyler. I need him to know I didn’t want to leave and it’s not his fault I died…”

_Moo was first, they had all planned to meet up in person and even Delirious had agreed. It just so happened that everything went to shit that same weekend._

_It was chaos when the disease first started spreading, people turned on each other in panic and nobody knew what was happening. For the whole first week, Daithi thought he was stuck inside a zombie movie but it only managed to get worse._ _It was an accident, pure bad luck all because Brock the type of person to ask strangers if they needed help._

_The blood should have been the first warning, Moo getting bitten on his wrist was the second, the third was when his heart finally stopped and the fourth was when suddenly Moo was standing up and leaping at the with a hungry look in his eyes._

_Nogla can still remember how scared they all were when they saw Moo was bitten._

“Please stop,” he whimpered, he hated that they were forcing him to remember everything. The whole reason they were here, the reason he kept them alive in his mind was so he could forget.

Forget that all his friends had died and he was the only one left.

_Cartoonz and Terroriser were next, they were jumped by a couple of thugs when they were searching for supplies. They were shot and left to die like animals._

_Basically was next, they had forgotten to check the perimeter of their little campsite and he had been bitten by zombie when he went to go piss in the back room. Scotty had stayed behind with him and Nogla was sure he was dead now too._

“You need to let us go, buddy” Terroriser said smiling and Nogla let out a shaky breath.

“I don’t know if I can,” he replied, but within moments Terroriser was gone, along with Cartoonz, four0seven and Daithi could no longer hear Marcel’s footsteps in the distance. In their places was empty spaces and Nogla could also feel the empty spots in his heart.

“You’re doing good,” Tyler encouraged but it was bitter sweet.

_After Basically, they became overly cautious and it worked- for a while. Until Delirious got bitten protecting Vanoss and their little group started falling apart. Jon fought to the end though, constantly reassuring them all that he was tough and no zombie apocalypse could possibly beat him._

_But as tough as Jon acted, Nogla was the one who caught him crying the night before he died and it was hard to look him in the eyes the morning after. To know just how much pain his eyes were hiding._

_After that, Vanoss just left. He took one pistol, left a note saying not to follow him and disappeared into thin air. Tyler let him go but Nogla never did shake the feeling that they should have followed him._

“We should have followed you, Evan,” Daithi mumbled and Evan just shook his head.

“I didn’t want to be followed and that’s not your fault. I couldn’t handle Jon dying and playing it safe just felt useless after that,” he replied, “we tried our best Nogla but real life is a thousand times different to the video games we used to play. There’s no respawns here,”

“Yep, we tried, we failed and now you have to move on. As much as I hate to admit it… Tyler’s right. We’re holding you back by being here, don’t let our failures stop you from succeeding and go live the rest of your life instead of hiding,” Jon laughed, and the sound hurt Nogla when realized that he would never get to hear it again in his lifetime.

Daithi closed his eyes for what seemed like a second, but it was long enough that when he opened them again, Delirious and Vanoss were  _gone_.

_Droidd and Mini died together in an attempt to help a stranger in trouble. They both got trapped by a heard of zombies, and as much as Wildcat wanted to go back and help them, they all knew that would’ve been a suicide mission. Nogla still felt as if it was yesterday when he was holding Tyler back by the fabric of his hoodie in an attempt to get them to safety with Lui running ahead._

_Tyler just… gave up after that. He stopped fighting as hard as he used to, especially with the zombies and rather he started to barely make it out of the fights anymore. Everything fell to Nogla to hold things together and that was something he couldn’t do._

_He lost Lui and Wildcat at the same time as well, but it was under worse circumstances. They both had required assistance after their tiny group had run into a rather large pack of zombies. Tyler was weakly fighting them off and Lui was managing as best as he could but then the situation turned and Nogla was left with a split second decision of who to help and who to leave fend for themselves._

_He thought Lui could do it, could keep fighting while he helped Tyler but instead he just watched his best friend suffocate under the waves of the undead trying to eat him. Wildcat got bitten, Lui was lost and Nogla barely made it out alive himself._

_All he lost was his sanity and his clear conscious._

“It’s  _wasn’t_ your fault Nogla. You made a justified split second decision that made perfect sense, it’s just that whole situation was doomed from the start,” Lui said quietly, and Nogla could hear the pleading his voice. He spared a quick glance at Wildcat who just nodded his head in agreement.

“Nothing you say will change the fact that you died and I could have stopped it. I knew Tyler was gone, I should have helped you but I didn’t and now I’m  _alone_. I’m so goddamn alone and I’m loosing my mind. I can’t remember how long you’ve all been gone for or how long I’ve pretended you were still with me,” Daithi argued, but his voice slowly started to lose its passion as he spoke. His words became flat and all the fight left him in a single moment.

“You’re strong Nogla, we all knew that and its proven because you’re the one still here, the one still alive. Keep fighting please, remember us but don’t dwell on our memories. And just remember that if you do anything stupid, we’ll all be laughing at you so don’t fuck it up,” Wildcat laughed and Daithi couldn’t stop himself from joining in too.

And then suddenly the empty supermarket was too quiet and Nogla was left sitting there, in front of his crappy little fire- all alone with none of his friends to keep him safe.

The screaming inside his head had stopped, but Nogla would take it back in a heart beat if it meant all his friends could come back to him.

So he didn’t  _have_ to be alone.


End file.
